I'm so glad you and our friends are always there when I need you guys the most. You don't know how much it means to me to have you beside me when I am on the low. You cheer me up and make me realize my strengths when I feel weak. With you, all challenges seem trivial no matter how big they actually are. I'm so lucky to have you guys. You don't realize it but you keep me going. Thanks for always catching me when I fall and for helping me get back on my feet when I stumble. I love you! ^^

i never dreamed i could love like this
i never imagined i'm capable of such a feeling
i never thought i'd fall for you
you've been with me all along
and i've never looked at you this way before

we've known each other for so long
you've been my friend, my wall
i'm used to your being around me
i'm used to your always being near

love has its way of changing things
i see you differently now
i see you differently now

i see you often
but i miss you so much
i get to embrace you
but still i long for your touch
we have these conversations
to me though, they don't say much
i'm thinking maybe it's time
but then I'm so afraid to try

i don't wanna stay in the dark
i'm so tired of this set up
i can't get close enough
i can't get close enough

Nakakamiss...

1. si Wonder, yung 1st dog namen sa bahay
2. kumaen ng flying saucer at uminom ng Pop sa plastic with high school friends while walking home
3. maglaro ng goma tsaka touching chinelas
4. makipagkwentuhan kay Lola Puring sa luma niyang bahay habang nagkakape
5. makipaglaro ng chess with my brother and cousin Eric
6. magpuyat kakakwentuhan with my girl friends
7. maging care-free
8. kumaen ng Funwich
9. manood ng tagalized Peter Pan
10. yung mga nakakasaket na laro namen ni Nico like yung pinagpapatong-patong yung mga unan sa bed tapos magppretend kame na cowboys hanggang sa mahulog kame tapos magtatawanan ng malakas kahit nagkauntugan na kame nun
11. makipagwrestling kina Papa at Nico
12. maglaro ng Play Doh
13. mag-easy-access alkansya
14. tumambay sa taas nina lola Charing at magbasa ng tagalog pocketbooks with Ninang Els
15. makipagkwentuhan non-stop kay Auntie Tere
16. summer class
17. mag-organize ng school play
18. gumawa ng props
19. magdirect ng speech choir
20. magchamber theater
21. magpiano
22. si Ms. Aquino, piano teacher ko
23. mag chinese garter with Ate Ena, Maricris, Analyn, and Eder
24. tumira sa White House, UPLB
25. kumaen ng tinola ni Ate Eu
26. makipagkwentuhan kay Karen about politics and ideologies
27. yung mga informative talks namen ni Neal
28. Si Ralph, everything about him pati na yung pagkamakalat nya
29. yung pangcocomfort ni Abel pag malungkot ako
00. yung pagkakampihan namen nina Zy, Cloudy, Cezel, at Malou.
31. yung pangongontra lagi ni Sab at pambubwisit ni JP
32. manood ng movie, kumaen at makipagkwentuhan with Aries
33. manood ng DVDs kina Erik
34. dating bahay nina Erik
35. bonding moments with Agate
36. magreading marathon
37. magmovie marathon
38. magTV series marathon
39. maglaro ng shadow shapes with Eric, Ninang Els, Auntie Dina, Uncle Olan, Uncle Boboy, at Nico pag brownout
40. Mag ghost-storytelling with the same people above pag brownout
41. makipaginuman at makipagduet sa videoke sa mga tropa ni papa
42. gumimik with my girl friends
43. makipag-usap kay Ate Eu
44. magstay lang sa bahay with Mama kapag umuulan doing nothing
45. matulog katabi si Mama
46. matulog katabi si Auntie Beboc
47. clinic ni Auntie Beboc
48. cake ni Auntie Beboc
49. i-kiss si Auntie Beboc while saying "goodnight, I love you, sweet dreams, see you tomorrow, take care, babu" -- one kiss each
50. manood ng VHS with Auntie Beboc
51. Kumaen ng ice cream with Auntie Beboc
52. Kumaen ng pancit luglog (ke Auntie) spaghetti (saken) sa Aurora's tapos yung pagdating ng order gusto ko palit na kame ni Auntie
53. magshare sa coke in can with Auntie Beboc
54. maglinis ng clinic ni Auntie
55. makipagkwentuhan kay Lola Puring about books, music, at yung mga paulit-ulit na kwento "noong araw"
56. puntahan si Lola Lele
57. panoorin manahi si Lola Lele
58. bunutan ng puting buhok si Lolo Pogi (10 cents each)
59. puntahan si Lolo Chung sa barbershop
60. si Ms. Ocampo, teacher ko nung Grade II
61. makipagkwentuhan kay Allan Ray
62. Yung chat and email buddy ko since college, si Tim
63. mag-guess-that-commercial game with Ralph
64. magplay ng guitar with Ralph singing
65. magcompose ng song lyrics with Ralph
66. makipagkwentuhan before matulog kay Ralph
67. magbuhos ng frustrations kay Ralph
68. magturo sa CSU
69. mga students ko especially Berbik, JC, and Kay
70. mag fieldtrip with my English Major students
71. makinig at manood sa mga performances ng world lit class ko
72. magorganize ng cheering squad with Ms. Day
73. si Sir Noel
74. kampihan moments namen ni Sir Noel
75. library ng CSU
76. si Ms. Agnes, librarian
77. library sa UPLB!
78. film showings ng UP Film Circle
79. maglaro ng mario brothers 3 sa nintendo
80. si Erik kahit madalas ko naman siya makita

(6/7/07)

Stupid, ain't I?

Weird...
I felt so nauseous
nervous
dizzy
a pain in the pit of my tummy
like something wants to come out
through my mouth.
"Your face is ghostly,"
so the bartender said.
"Yeah, I can imagine,"
Was what's in my head.

All this
just because I worried so much
about you.
I was scared.
Thought you're not OK.
When in fact,
you were just out
enjoying yourself.
While I,
I was alone at the bar,
deathly pale,
because you said
you're not coming back.

Why do I waste my time like that?
Why do I make myself look like a dumb-ass?
Why does it have to happen again,
like an old rustic melody
no one likes to hear?

My friends say
it's because I won't let go
of you.
They say it's because I love you.
They say I should be better off without you.
"You see," I tell them
"I try,"
It's just so hard,
it's like I'll die.
Stupid, ain't I?

(6/4/07)

A Song for William

I see you only once in ten years.
The pain of seeing you leave
is the sun dying over the seas.
But I love every single day of it.
I'm grateful, in fact,
because I know, somewhere,
there's You whose love for me will last.

Once every ten years,
I patiently stand waiting,
for that burst of green light
that signals your coming.
To the great sea beyond,
I try to catch a glimpse,
of your arms outstretched,
reaching out to me.

Distance separates us.
The depth of Ocean threatens our romance.
Even Time is between us.
Only Faith stands by our side.

I take comfort with the knowledge,
that no matter what,
my heart belongs to you,
and yours is always with me.

Tomorrow, I will see you again, my love.
And then again an eternity of waiting.
Don't despair, my love.
I won't get tired of hoping,
the way the sun never tires of rising;
the way my heart never stops beating,
only for you.

My forever is that one day,
that moment that's ours,
one day in ten years.

I promise to keep your heart.

Your love,
Elizabeth

(6/4/07)

From Captain Jack Sparrow to Elizabeth

"It wouldn't have worked between us" -- Elizabeth

I don't understand what it is I see in you.
It's hard to comprehend how much I love you.
After all the pain,
it completely eludes me.
What is it in you?
What is it about you?

I should be over you by now.
I should just forget about my vow.
You don't deserve all the love I got.
You're not enough.
You don't measure up.

I should, really, but I couldn't.
I can't make myself forget,
the feelings only you can make me feel --
the warmth of your embrace,
your face.

How can I forget
when only you can make me feel?
Only you can make me feel
such wonderful feelings.
It'll be like dying.
It'll be like dying.

You have brought me nothing but tears.
I want you near me but every time it hurts.
You hurt me every time.

I really should be over you by now.

(5/31/07)

Not yet

You ask my friends for a date,
You joke about girls you like in my face.
When you pull off those stunts, I just laugh,
Of course, so you won't know I feel bad.

When you call me over to hang out with, I go.
When it's my turn to ask you just raise your brow.
How insensitive do you think is that?

Sometimes I wonder if you're for real.
How can someone be so unfeeling?
How can you not know I'm reeling
Whenever you make me feel invisible,
When I'm just right beside you all along.
I feel sick to my stomach,
Whenever I try to just shrug it all off.

I know I have told you before,
And besides, how can you not know?
That to me you're not just a friend,
So why keep up with this trend?

I'm your friend, yes of course,
I told you I can live with that thought.
But still, you can't be coarse,
Isn't it obvious?
I'm still trying to move on.

I still get hurt when you talk
About your conquests and prospects.
It still turns my insides
When you make compliments.

I need time,
I need time.
I can't not love overnight.
Look into my eyes sometimes,
And you should see right through me.

Then you'll know,
I deserve a little consideration,
After all.

(5/17/07)

The girl I want for you

Someone who'll cook your favorite food,
Fix you a cold drink with meals.
Someone who'll massage your foot,
When you get home from drills.

Someone who'll laugh at your corny jokes,
The funny faces you make.
Someone who'll tickle your funny bone,
Will know when you need a break.

Someone who'll listen to how your day went,
Will support you all the way.
Someone who's strong enough to tell you
You did something wrong, but loves you anyway.

Someone who'll climb mountains with you,
Camp with you, and sing with you.
Someone who'll swim oceans with you,
Someone full of energy, and loves nature the same way you do.

Someone who'll see you for the great person you are,
Who will encourage you with your writing ,
Read them, and love them, no matter how bad they are.

Someone who'll appreciate your creativity,
Your kindness and generosity,
Who won't take you for granted,
Won't get tired when you're difficult to handle.

Someone who won't be afraid to talk,
When you need someone to listen to.
Someone who's ready to listen,
When you need someone to talk to.

Someone who'll see and embrace your weakness,
Won't see you as a loser,
Will stand by you to face and fight it down.

Someone who'll take your face on her shoulders,
When you feel stressed and burned out.
Someone who'll treasure you forever,
Love you the way you are.

I want someone perfect for you,
The way you are perfect to me.
I can't be that "someone", I know,
But I'll be happy if one day you'll show up
With someone beside you,
Worthy of it all.

(5/16/07)

Lie or Dare?

Truth or Dare? Do you love him?
No, I don't
How can I? We're good friends...

I looked at you for signs
I searched your face for a chance
Nothing... blank

You didn't seem to care
And so I'm glad I lied

How can I bring myself up to say
That I do love you
Very much, actually?

How can I?

Above all things, above love
We're friends and I treasure that
Although it's hard for me to stay this way
I promise, I won't dare tell
Not for any other reason but because
I love you that much

So, I'll stay by your side
As a friend...
I know that's what you want
So, fine, let's keep it at that

May 19, 2007

i just realized, there's an even harder experience that will top getting hurt and crying endlessly because of pain. it's harder and a thousand times more painful to get hurt and feel a great desire -- no, a need -- to cry your eyes out til there's no more tears left to cry, but you can't.

May 07, 2007

I psyched myself not to mind. It won't hurt, I told myself. If the inevitable finally surfaces, I'm ready. I won't get affected. I was so sure because I never thought it would happen like how it did. Without premise. Without notice. Again, a display of my insuperable stupidity. Who was I kidding? Why would there be any notice? Who am I, anyway? I'm just a nobody. Why would anyone bother to knock my head first before showing up, unannounced? But for Pete's sake, I'm human! I feel! I hurt! I may not be an exemplary human being but still I AM HUMAN! So, I deserve some kind of consideration just like the rest of the species do. That won't hurt anyone, will it? I mean just a little consideration. That's not asking much. Respect and a little consideration.