(6/7/07)

Stupid, ain't I?

Weird...
I felt so nauseous
nervous
dizzy
a pain in the pit of my tummy
like something wants to come out
through my mouth.
"Your face is ghostly,"
so the bartender said.
"Yeah, I can imagine,"
Was what's in my head.

All this
just because I worried so much
about you.
I was scared.
Thought you're not OK.
When in fact,
you were just out
enjoying yourself.
While I,
I was alone at the bar,
deathly pale,
because you said
you're not coming back.

Why do I waste my time like that?
Why do I make myself look like a dumb-ass?
Why does it have to happen again,
like an old rustic melody
no one likes to hear?

My friends say
it's because I won't let go
of you.
They say it's because I love you.
They say I should be better off without you.
"You see," I tell them
"I try,"
It's just so hard,
it's like I'll die.
Stupid, ain't I?