Someone emailed me this article:

***MEANTIME GIRL***


She’s the one you call when you’re bored because she makes you laugh. She’s the one you talk to when you’re feeling down because she’s willing to lend an ear and be a friend. She’s not the one you call when you need a date to your company’s Christmas party, or to go dancing with on a Saturday night. She’s the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find “The One”.

You know, she’s the one who you keep around in the meantime. She’s not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don’t look at her as a “real” woman, either. She’s not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in that light. She’s too laid-back, too easily amused by the same things your male buddies are amused by. She’s too understanding, too comfortable - she doesn’t make you feel nervous or excited the way a “real” woman does.

But she’s cool , and nice, and funny, and attractive enough that when you’re lonely or horny and need intimate female companionship, she’ll do just fine. You don’t have to wine and dine her because she knows the real you already, and you don’t have any facades to keep up, no pretenses to preserve.

You’re not trying to get anything of substance out of her. She’s not easy, but you know that she cares about you and is attracted to you, and that she’ll give you the intimacy you need. And you know you don’t have to explain yourself or the situation, that she’ll be able to cope with the fact that this isn’t the beginning of a relationship or that there’s any possibility that you have any real romantic feelings for her.It won’t bother her that you’ll get up in the morning, put on your pants, say goodbye, and go on a date with the woman you’ve been mooning over for weeks who finally agreed to go out with you. She’ll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to call her and tell her how the date went. She’s just so cool . . . why can’t all women be like that?!

But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don’t because to you, the situation between the two of you isn’t important enough to merit any real thought), you know that it’s really not fair. You know that although she would never say it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you don’t think she’s good enough to spend any real time with.

Sure, it’s mostly her fault, because she doesn’t have to give in to your needs - she could play the hard-to-get bitch like the rest of them do, if she really wanted to. But you and she both know that she probably couldn’t pull it off. Maybe she’s too short, or a little overweight, or has a big birthmark on her forehead, or works at a factory. Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman.

So she remains forever the funny friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman. She doesn’t captivate you with her beauty, or open doors with her smile. Mainly she blends in with the crowd. She’s safe. She doesn’t want to be the center of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the room. But she wants to turn someone’s head. She wants to be special to someone, too.

We all do.

She has feelings. She has a heart. In fact, she probably has a bigger and better heart than any woman you’ve ever known because she’s had a front-row seat to The Mess That Is Your Life, and she likes you anyway.

She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although you’ve given her nothing, absolutely no reason to still be around, she is.

Anyway, yeah. I’m a Meantime Girl. Been one for him. For how long, I can’t remember.

I don’t know the reason, really, and at this point I don’t even care. I just want to let every guy know who’s ever had the good fortune to have a Meantime Girl that we may be a lot of fun, but we cry, too. A lot.

And someday we won’t be around.

I listened too closely

Your eyes were saying you adore me
And I gladly drowned in them
Love was coming out of your lips
So I couldn’t help but linger

Your hands spoke of forever
I held on tight
So tightly I held on
And closed my eyes

I listened too closely

I shattered when, finally,
I looked and saw the words
From your heart

goodbye


it gets old...
all the waiting and the worrying
all the secret pain and the fake smiles
that say "i'm ok" when actually,
"i'm not --
dying inside, in fact."

don't say i gave up
too early, without a second glance
i did my share of "i'll stays"
a ton of "i understands"
the tears i haven't shed
all this time,can fill up a dam
i gave you all the chance
i gave you all the time
to figure yourself out

i know i may be sorry
to leave you when i know
damn well that only you
can make me feel the way
i do... i know i may be sorry
i really do

but then should i really
just look straight ahead
of this one-way street?
should i just keep on walking
the same way i have always been --
towards you...always
without question

i wonder: if i just gather
all the strength i still have
left, i may be in for something
better, something real
and i know -- when i don't meet
you in the eye --
this is the right thing to do
because I have so much love
to give, and sadly --
it shouldn't be for you

at least, i had
learned to live and love
through you i've known
the greatest laughs and cries
i've had experienced
a great true love
only it has ended
no matter how i longed
for it to last

i will miss you
that's certain
the tears i held back
may finally find release
sure, i will never forget
you, never regret the bliss
but don't you worry
don't despair for me
because if i learned something
big in this affair,
that is: to love truly
you have to feel pain
to love truly doesn't mean
to cling, to love truly
is just to love and
love without fear of it's end

You are the one who touched my heart
Your eyes inspired me to become what I was not
Your arms secured my dwindling faith
My soul is weak when I’m within your easy reach

Beside you I know I’m safe
Just by the tender look in your eyes my worries fade
Always I long for your embrace
To comfort me when I’m in pain

I wonder how come it feels so good to be near you
I don’t understand why you
I sometimes think the world is cruel
To put you so near where I can’t reach you

If this is love that I feel
If this is love, what am I to do with this
Why does it have to be this way
Why does it have to be you my best friend

How do stories like mine end
Will the feeling find its way
Will it reach yours, perhaps --
Will you find a place for it in your heart

What is funny after all is to know
That the farthest place in the world is not the Pole
It is right here beside you
Right here where I feel I belong

when you're dreaming with a broken heart...

...the waking up is the hardest part

i've been hanging on for a while now. a long while now. i got used to it already. the joy and sorrow that come with it, i embrace them with all my heart and soul. i have learned to accept that it will not get better. if i want it so bad, i have to stay. otherwise, if i go, he will not beg me to stay. since i want this dream to go on, i have to learn not to question, not to seek for anything more that what it has to offer. if i want to linger in this dream, i should keep my eyes closed and stay put...

You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for the moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering was he really here?
Is he standing in my room?

the questions that are forever swirling in my mind must be kept a secret. must learn not to blurt them out. this "thing" that we have strictly excludes questions. that's fine by me. anyway, i'm happy when he's around. i feel secure when we're together. yes, he makes me feel special in his own little ways and i appreciate these displays. he says he tries to show me how much he loves me the best way he knows how. that's fine. maybe he's just not so good at expressing himself or maybe he really loved me that little based on what he's showing me. the thing is at least he loves me (whatever that kind of love is). but, during all those moments, did i really hear him right?is he really the kind of man i am thinking he is?

No he's not, 'cause he's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone...

i thought it's alright. i thought i can stay dreaming. turned out i can't. i could have stayed if only i felt reassured. if only i am sure that the already complicated situation will not get anymore complicated. because i'm already on the edge. i've, in fact, exceeded my limits. one little push will make my fall. and it's a steep cliff..if i fall, there's no more getting back up. and i fell..sadly, and what hurts the most, is the fact that he caused my fall. he -- without realizing it -- pushed me. i tried to hang on. tried my best to hold on to his hand. despite my hanging on to him, he let go and i can't do anything anymore because he's the one who's holding my hand.

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The giving up is the hardest part

i ran to my friends for advice. it's so difficult for me because this is the first time i have deeply fallen in love. i need to make sure there will be no regrets. so i asked my good friends, should i stop now and not turn back or should i again swallow my pride and talk to him for the last time? one of them said that i should follow my heart and fight for what i feel. she said i should go and talk to him if that will clear up things. this way there will be no what ifs. she said i should directly ask him about what's going on and just be prepared forthe worst answer. she said at least this way i will find closure. i'll know for once where i really stand. but then, another friend said that sometimes closure should come from the person seeking it. sometimes i need to just read between the lines and spare myself from experiencing so much pain that may just be the ending if i still talk to him, so my friend said. maybe, yes, i should shut up now once and for all.i need to rest anyway. this has been a very tiring experience. but i told my friend, it's not easy to let go..after all..

He takes you in with your crying eyes
Then all at once you have to say goodbye

it feels so good to be with him.everything seemed so easy.it's fun at first.but then i fell in love and that changed everything.suddenly, i can't stay close anymore without getting hurt.every little thing he said mattered.everything meant something to me.i can't listen to his stories anymore without risking getting hurt.but we were so good together as friends, at least others thought so.i really want to keep the friendship but the funny feeling won't go away.the needle pricked no matter how hard i tried to ignore it.it's there making me human...

Wondering could you stay my love?
Will you wake up by my side?

i had put an end to it.regrets?too early to tell.one thing's for sure though.the love remains.thus, it still hurts.i have decided,it's going to be more painful for both him and me if we will put our lives on hold, me waiting for him and him, i don't know...him, wanting me to stay close, just like that...

No he can't, 'cause he's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

Everything feels so right when I’m with you

Fooling around
Looking at each other’s eyes
Silence, comfortable silence
Tears flowing freely
Perfect…almost

Sitting beside each other
Sleeping on each other’s shoulders
My cheeks resting near your heart
Your face on my hair
Sweet…only if

Walking without holding hands
Secured despite that
Touching your face while you’re sleeping
Listening to the gentle hum of your breath
Peace…complete

Being close
Your breath fanning my hair
Your hands on my knees
Soft lips gently brushing my cheeks
Love… seems like

I look at you and all I see
Is my guardian angel
So out of reach

There’s something I wanna tell you
But a lot of things hold me back
Like the way we laugh together
Like when we’re silent but in touch
I wonder if telling you will change all that
I wonder if telling you will tear us completely apart

We’re so comfortable with each other
So comfortable yet I know what we have is fragile
I know one little slip and it’ll shatter
Because that’s how it goes when two people are uncertain

It seems to me that you’re fine with all this
Sadly though, I’m starting to feel left out
I don’t know the picture you’re painting anymore
I don’t think I see it the way you do, the way I did before

It all changed because of that little kiss
Suddenly everything became complicated
I can’t contain my confusion any longer
I feel like any moment I’ll burst and be blown away

It scares me to think that you may not know me after all
You may think that, that kiss was just a spontaneous act
No feelings attached
No feelings attached

If only you knew that’s my way of saying I love you