Accent and Effective Communication
Chloe Nina Ballesteros

No matter how good we are at what we do in this customer service oriented trade, nothing will come out of our efforts if we cannot communicate effectively. Like it or not, all of us must know how to communicate in English. English is the language that is universally understood in the field that we are in. In this multi-cultural community, it is inevitable to encounter customers, colleagues, bosses, and clients who do not share our native tongue, thus, English will connect the dots.

For reasons that are deeply rooted in culture and norms, a lot of us are hesitant to speak in English in the workplace. It must be realised that communicating effectively in English doesn’t rely on accent. We can convey our messages effectively regardless of whether our regional accent is obvious or not. Our aim should be that we ‘reduce’ our accent a little bit so as not to confuse. It is not necessary that we immitate a certain accent of English (American or British accents, for instance) to be considered effective. A French classical author once said that “the accent of one’s birthplace remains in the mind and in the heart as well as in one’s speech.” In learning English as a second language, therefore, one must focus more on learning how to put words together correctly and how to pronounce individual sounds and put them together, than focus on how to sound like a native speaker, because the latter is not possible unless the learner exposes him/herself in the culture of that native speaker for an indeterminable length of time.

Our accents may give away our birthplace but this should not be a hindrance for us to try and learn how to communicate in English following grammar rules and correct pronunciation. English can be learned. At the moment, we may be speaking and writing it with a couple of grammatical and pronunciation errors here and there, but at the end of the day it’s better than telling people that we can’t speak nor write in the language. Isn’t it frustrating to tell someone that you can’t help not because you don’t know how but because you can’t find words to explain yourself? Through constant practice and continuous learning, we will all get there eventually. We will all be competent communicators in English if only we open our minds and begin the learning process no later than NOW. How? Speaking only in English in the workplace is one small step that we can all take that will allow us to practice conversing in English. Another way is to expose ourselves more to English reading materials and TV programmes like CNN and BBC. If there is a chance, it will also help to attend courses that teach English as a second language. English is no more intimidating to learn than our own native languages. Besides, the aim of our use of English is to be understood and to be more effective in our respective designations, and not to sound posh or grand.


In conclusion, it is best to quote the African writer, Chinua Achebe in one of his interviews:

So my answer to the question: Can an African ever learn English well enough to be able to use it effectively in creative writing? Is certainly yes. If on the other hand you ask: Can he ever learn to use it as a native speaker? I should say. I hope not. It is neither necessary nor desirable for him to be able to do so. The price a world language must be prepared to pay is submission to many different kinds of use. The African writer should aim to use English in a way that brings out his message best without altering the language to the extent that its value as a medium of international exchange will be lost. He should aim at fashioning out an English which is at once universal and able to carry out his peculiar experience.

(2/5/09)
And so it happens...

So love evolves. It's good to have finally realized this. At least, finally I'm done feeling stuck in a situation that left me wanting for more. I have finally accepted the fact that sometimes things are just the way they are. I've gone from loving and wanting to be loved in return, to loving and wanting to be exclusively loved, to loving and wanting to be loved the same way I love, and finally to loving without wanting anything in return except for that person to be happy. And this time, I mean it. I am now ready to let go and be happy myself. And I wish nothing for him but to feel that feeling of unconditional love that I felt for him and to receive it from the same person that he'll feel this way for.

I know it's been a long time since I've updated my blog. A lot of things happened from the time I last posted an article. Good things, bad. Heartaches, love. Friendships. Coming and going. But, most importantly, I have come to terms with myself.

So happiness is really not something that you get from someone else. I finally get this. Happiness is a state of being that only you can make happen for yourself. I am determined to find this.

Here's the real deal

* Remember when we were in first year high school and you jokingly told Diane Fronda, who had a huge crush on you, that you were already courting me so she would stop bugging you? I actually wished that were true.

* Remember when you told me through friendster, back in 04, that you wished you're the one I loved the way I loved Jay? At the back of my mind I thought, I loved you more in fact but I just kept on brushing off the feeling.

* When we hosted Rubie Andrea's 18th birthday, I was so happy and proud to be doing it with you.

* When you and Hans came over to my house on my birthday in 04 and you guys stayed until 3am and the 2 of us just talked and had this easy connection, I wished for that night not to end.

* I made a big deal out of you coming to my 04 birthday straight from the Palarong Pambansa.

* Remember when I came to see you at your old house because and I was so sad due to family problems and we talked while eating ice candy, i think that was back in 04, and our conversation shifted to how our friends had been making a big deal out of our closeness, and you went like "ano kaya totohanin na lang natin tutal naman yun ang palagi nilang iniisip," and I sad, "nah... that won't work". I actually regret saying that up to this day and I still think, what if...

* I wrote you letters that I didn't have the guts to send you until Sherrie Ann took them away because she thought they were just making me pathetic.

* I actually saved your text messages from 04 to 05 in a notebook which She also took away.

* I continued to write down your text messages until early in 06, then I stopped because I began trying to stop my lunacy over you.

* Sometimes I still itch to write down your messages.

* I saved our Friendster conversations from March to April of 04 in my email.

* I just did above yesterday.

* I worry about you everyday despite the "i-don't-care" facade i put up. One text message from you a day makes me happy because it assures me you're far but still around. ^^

* I always wonder what's the real deal between you and Jen.

* I don't really care when you go out with girls, except when it's Jen. ^^

* Remember when you asked me to come over to your house to show me your new V3x on December 30, 06 and you slept while I was checking out your phone and then all of a sudden I told you I had to leave and you wondered why, and I said I just had to (with a smile)? Well, I had my reasons... I went home so you won't see me burst into tears... I don't know I was so stupid to have believed you all those times when you said you're just friends with jen and you weren't seeing each other anymore. So when I saw pictures of you two in your phone taken on Christmas, I was shattered. I had no right to talk to you about that but it hurt a hell lot so I just left.

* Yeah, my dear friends who've been with me and have loved me long before we became close hated you and I've tried, over a hundred times, to make them like you because I so wanted to be with you and not even them could change that.

* Remember when we fought in 05 (I forgot the reason) and we didn't talk for a week then we had an "agate gathering" and so I had to see you there then later that night you asked me to come with you to the park just across your house and you said we needed to talk? Remember that time? Up to now it boggles me why we had to have that TALK. Everyone teased us because they were probably confused as well. Because WHY would we have to talk in private. Then when we were alone we talked about "us (not)". I wish I had just been honest with you and with myself then. Instead of telling you that I was fine and we could get back to the way we were, I wish I had the courage to just settle things with you once and for all that time. Hell, I shouldn't just have cared and just let things go the way they should. We should have settled things then. Because now, it's even harder to just let you go. I should have done it then. I shouldn't have let you talk me into "maintaining our friendship" despite my friends not liking you because we "are happy together just as things are". I shouldn't have let you made me hope that yeah, everything's gonna be ok. I shouldn't have.

* Remember in Baguio, June 05, I lost my phone and cried my heart out. I partly cried for that but truth is, somewhere in the middle of that, I was already crying for you and not the phone. I was like being stabbed every moment I had to see you and Jen so close and looking wonderful together. Hans and Bernard knew about this and they were beside me all the time to make me feel good. I actually agreed to go to that trip because you insisted and convinced me to go not knowing it will be like hell. I didn't know Jen would come. When I knew, it was already too late to back out but if I 'd known earlier, I wouldn't have gone. I know Andeng would've understood.

* About the "thing-that-must-not-be-named": ** I didn't allow it to happen just because of the "spur of the moment"; ** I acted nonchalant about it, but truth is, it's a big deal for me I just tried to deal with in in an "i'm-a-modern-woman" way, although I know I failed; ** every time it happens, I wonder what you're thinking; I can't imagine myself doing it with anyone else

* I'm happy you tell me a lot of things about you than most people know but sometimes it really kills me when you talk about your women. I laugh, yeah, but truth is it hurts inside.

* It boggles me why you don't tell me the real deal when you go out. I mean, I won't hold you back so why lie? Truth is, I learn about the DATES anyway. ^^

* I will give my left arm to know the REAL reason why you went out with me at the start of this "friendship". You know, the Padi's Point days, the old movie marathon days, the "i miss you" messages. What's the real deal about all that?

* I didn't really expect you to take me to MV Dulos. Was it really just your way to apologize? Actually, I wonder about that a lot especially after Hans told me that you'd been thinking of moving away from me but "I am the one who won't let it happen".

*About that: could you please tell me when you actually felt that I was keeping you from moving away? If only you told me that straight then you would've gotten what you wanted.

* I cried when Hans told me about that.

* Truth is, I want to TALK to you. Really TALK but I'm afraid...

* Truth is I love you so much I keep all these things and more inside of me

Wow, how come I haven't thought of that? Yeah, what if the time comes when he finally finds someone real to spend the rest of his life with? What will happen to me all alone? What am I thinking? I'm not a robot. I will definitely be broken when the time comes.

Kasi naman bakit ba di ako matauhan? Bakit ba pinipilit ko ang isang bagay na imposible namang mangyari? Ang kulit ko! Ang tigas ng ulo ko! 'Pag inuntog ko naman ang ulo ko sa pader ng makailang ulit, wala namang mangyayari bukod sa malamang na brain damage o kaya naman sakit ng ulo. Ayos lang sana kung kasabay ng pananakit ng katawan, matatauhan na ako at titigil na sa katangahang 'to.

Sabi ng mga tao sa paligid ko, ako lang naman ang bobong nagpapahirap sa sarili ko. Pero 'pag pinapakiramdaman ko naman ang sarili ko, nararamdaman ko naman na masaya ako kapag kasama ko s'ya. So, in fairness naman sa Sarili ko, di naman ako masokista. Ginagawa ko lang 'yung ginagawa ko kasi somehow masaya din naman ako dun. 'Yun nga lang, pagkatapos mapapaisip ako. At 'yun na, nagsi-sink in na sa 'kin kung ga'no kamiserable 'tong sitwasyon ko.

Dati, gusto ko sana magkahiwalay na lang kami ng landas. Dati ang naisip kong solusyon para matigil na 'ko ay 'yun nga sanang mag-goodbye na kami sa isa't isa, as in wala nang kahit anong mode of communication. Mahirap naman pala, kasi nga magkaibigan kami. So, 'di din nag-work. Mahirap sirain ang isang pagkakaibigan nang wala naman talagang kongkretong dahilan. Wala naman kaming maaamin na problema talaga. 'Di ko din naman kinayang komprontahin s'ya tungkol sa problemang ako lang naman ang nakakaramdam. Unfair naman na bigla na lang akong mang-iwan. Sa madaling sabi tuloy ang weird naming friendship.

Mas naging komplikado na ngayon. Kasi naman ako, matigas ang ulo, hopeless romantic, dreamer. Ayan tuloy nasasaktan na 'ko ngayon. Akala ko hindi aabot sa ganito. Kasi naman, sino ba'ng niloloko ko? Natural masasaktan talaga ako in the long run. So, pa'no na 'ko ngayon?

Alam ko naman na importante din ako sa kanya kahit paano. Sa ngayon nand'yan lang siya. Pero 'di naman palaging nand'yan lang s'ya. Mawawala din s'ya eventually. At ngayon ko lang 'to naiisip. Pa'no na ko pagdating ng time na 'yun?

I'm so glad you and our friends are always there when I need you guys the most. You don't know how much it means to me to have you beside me when I am on the low. You cheer me up and make me realize my strengths when I feel weak. With you, all challenges seem trivial no matter how big they actually are. I'm so lucky to have you guys. You don't realize it but you keep me going. Thanks for always catching me when I fall and for helping me get back on my feet when I stumble. I love you! ^^

Someone emailed me this article:

***MEANTIME GIRL***


She’s the one you call when you’re bored because she makes you laugh. She’s the one you talk to when you’re feeling down because she’s willing to lend an ear and be a friend. She’s not the one you call when you need a date to your company’s Christmas party, or to go dancing with on a Saturday night. She’s the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find “The One”.

You know, she’s the one who you keep around in the meantime. She’s not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don’t look at her as a “real” woman, either. She’s not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in that light. She’s too laid-back, too easily amused by the same things your male buddies are amused by. She’s too understanding, too comfortable - she doesn’t make you feel nervous or excited the way a “real” woman does.

But she’s cool , and nice, and funny, and attractive enough that when you’re lonely or horny and need intimate female companionship, she’ll do just fine. You don’t have to wine and dine her because she knows the real you already, and you don’t have any facades to keep up, no pretenses to preserve.

You’re not trying to get anything of substance out of her. She’s not easy, but you know that she cares about you and is attracted to you, and that she’ll give you the intimacy you need. And you know you don’t have to explain yourself or the situation, that she’ll be able to cope with the fact that this isn’t the beginning of a relationship or that there’s any possibility that you have any real romantic feelings for her.It won’t bother her that you’ll get up in the morning, put on your pants, say goodbye, and go on a date with the woman you’ve been mooning over for weeks who finally agreed to go out with you. She’ll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to call her and tell her how the date went. She’s just so cool . . . why can’t all women be like that?!

But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don’t because to you, the situation between the two of you isn’t important enough to merit any real thought), you know that it’s really not fair. You know that although she would never say it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you don’t think she’s good enough to spend any real time with.

Sure, it’s mostly her fault, because she doesn’t have to give in to your needs - she could play the hard-to-get bitch like the rest of them do, if she really wanted to. But you and she both know that she probably couldn’t pull it off. Maybe she’s too short, or a little overweight, or has a big birthmark on her forehead, or works at a factory. Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman.

So she remains forever the funny friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman. She doesn’t captivate you with her beauty, or open doors with her smile. Mainly she blends in with the crowd. She’s safe. She doesn’t want to be the center of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the room. But she wants to turn someone’s head. She wants to be special to someone, too.

We all do.

She has feelings. She has a heart. In fact, she probably has a bigger and better heart than any woman you’ve ever known because she’s had a front-row seat to The Mess That Is Your Life, and she likes you anyway.

She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although you’ve given her nothing, absolutely no reason to still be around, she is.

Anyway, yeah. I’m a Meantime Girl. Been one for him. For how long, I can’t remember.

I don’t know the reason, really, and at this point I don’t even care. I just want to let every guy know who’s ever had the good fortune to have a Meantime Girl that we may be a lot of fun, but we cry, too. A lot.

And someday we won’t be around.

when you're dreaming with a broken heart...

...the waking up is the hardest part

i've been hanging on for a while now. a long while now. i got used to it already. the joy and sorrow that come with it, i embrace them with all my heart and soul. i have learned to accept that it will not get better. if i want it so bad, i have to stay. otherwise, if i go, he will not beg me to stay. since i want this dream to go on, i have to learn not to question, not to seek for anything more that what it has to offer. if i want to linger in this dream, i should keep my eyes closed and stay put...

You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for the moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering was he really here?
Is he standing in my room?

the questions that are forever swirling in my mind must be kept a secret. must learn not to blurt them out. this "thing" that we have strictly excludes questions. that's fine by me. anyway, i'm happy when he's around. i feel secure when we're together. yes, he makes me feel special in his own little ways and i appreciate these displays. he says he tries to show me how much he loves me the best way he knows how. that's fine. maybe he's just not so good at expressing himself or maybe he really loved me that little based on what he's showing me. the thing is at least he loves me (whatever that kind of love is). but, during all those moments, did i really hear him right?is he really the kind of man i am thinking he is?

No he's not, 'cause he's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone...

i thought it's alright. i thought i can stay dreaming. turned out i can't. i could have stayed if only i felt reassured. if only i am sure that the already complicated situation will not get anymore complicated. because i'm already on the edge. i've, in fact, exceeded my limits. one little push will make my fall. and it's a steep cliff..if i fall, there's no more getting back up. and i fell..sadly, and what hurts the most, is the fact that he caused my fall. he -- without realizing it -- pushed me. i tried to hang on. tried my best to hold on to his hand. despite my hanging on to him, he let go and i can't do anything anymore because he's the one who's holding my hand.

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The giving up is the hardest part

i ran to my friends for advice. it's so difficult for me because this is the first time i have deeply fallen in love. i need to make sure there will be no regrets. so i asked my good friends, should i stop now and not turn back or should i again swallow my pride and talk to him for the last time? one of them said that i should follow my heart and fight for what i feel. she said i should go and talk to him if that will clear up things. this way there will be no what ifs. she said i should directly ask him about what's going on and just be prepared forthe worst answer. she said at least this way i will find closure. i'll know for once where i really stand. but then, another friend said that sometimes closure should come from the person seeking it. sometimes i need to just read between the lines and spare myself from experiencing so much pain that may just be the ending if i still talk to him, so my friend said. maybe, yes, i should shut up now once and for all.i need to rest anyway. this has been a very tiring experience. but i told my friend, it's not easy to let go..after all..

He takes you in with your crying eyes
Then all at once you have to say goodbye

it feels so good to be with him.everything seemed so easy.it's fun at first.but then i fell in love and that changed everything.suddenly, i can't stay close anymore without getting hurt.every little thing he said mattered.everything meant something to me.i can't listen to his stories anymore without risking getting hurt.but we were so good together as friends, at least others thought so.i really want to keep the friendship but the funny feeling won't go away.the needle pricked no matter how hard i tried to ignore it.it's there making me human...

Wondering could you stay my love?
Will you wake up by my side?

i had put an end to it.regrets?too early to tell.one thing's for sure though.the love remains.thus, it still hurts.i have decided,it's going to be more painful for both him and me if we will put our lives on hold, me waiting for him and him, i don't know...him, wanting me to stay close, just like that...

No he can't, 'cause he's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

somebody help me please

and so i cried. i cried because i seem to have no control of the situation anymore. it seems like i'm in control of my own feelings, at least, but the truth is i'm slowy dying inside. i'm hurting but i can't seem to get out. everything is happening inside of me that i can't battle it. i can't fight back because come to think of it, how can i fight myself? how can i deprive myself of the thing that makes me so much happier when i'm happy and cheers me up when i'm down eventhough it hurts so much. everyone deserves to be happy it's just that i find mine this way. i sound crazy, i know. but then, this life is full of crazy crap that sanity is actually nothing but an empty word anymore, don't you think?
i want to wake up sometimes and face reality but then it's so much easier to move and go on when you are in a dream. it's so much easier to just float, to just glide, and to not acknowledge the truth. The truth that will definitely shatter me to pieces and will make me wary of anything that will threaten to arouse this great feeling of extreme happiness ever again for fear of experiencing yet again the equally painful fall i know i will have to face sooner or later.
i'm lost. lost in this seemingly unending quest for definition. for clarity. i know it will take just one small step to resolve this situation. one little question. but, i am afraid. i'm afraid of letting go; of finally letting go. i can't take the risk. i can't. but i'm sure time will come that i will because i still long for that pure bliss that everyone, EVERYONE, is looking for...

regrets..

it's funny i read our emails to each other during those good old days and i can't help but laugh at how crazy i sounded. just last month i read the same emails but they didn't have this effect on me.last month they sounded romantic. but now, they are simply..well, plain funny. ;0

pathetic.i sounded pathetic in the subtlest way. but then he sounded so interested in me. even gave a hint of courting me if i will only allow him to. but then maybe it's all a big joke. a joke. something that i shouldn't have taken literally. empty words.

i then read through my stupid collection of his text messages and i noticed something quite interesting. i noticed that as the days went by (actually we've been playing this cat and mouse race for 2 years now), as our "friendship" evolved, he texted less and less and i texted him more and more. his messages went from somewhat romantic to completely platonic while mine is the the exact opposite.

the sad truth though is that i have been blind to all this until now. the even sadder truth is that, now that i seem to have waken up from the intoxicating image of us i have had, and can now change the image to "him and i", i feel like though i'm more aware of the situation i would rather stick to what it is i'm in than turn my back and walk away.

regrets? none at this time.

and then there was love...

some people have the tendency to be locked in a situation and never have the strength nor the courage to stand up and turn around -- get out of the situation. i'm not talking about situations which you really have to face. you know, that kind that would require you, as a dignified man, to confront. i'm talking about the kind which you, as a DIGNIFIED man, have to leave behind, and leave without a trace. i'm talking about situations wherein it would be silly for you to stay involved in. situations that do not require your presence but you still keep on holding on trying to make sense of your effort to be in it. sometimes you recognize the often hurtful fact that nobody needs you to be there. you're an outcast eventhough you're in. well, the people who are in it may need you, but they may not want you, which is even more hurtful. i bet by now you are already thinking of a very special person in your life. one whom you are trying very hard to reach, but for some unknown reasons, keeps on stepping back. you, fool!, are under a powerful spell. i'm sorry i can only speak but can't help because no matter how vivid the image of the situation is to me, i am powerless and helpless, because i, mayself, couldn't resist it. i am drowned in it and can't get out... i just hope that for both you and me, there is some out there who'll battle this intense force siphoning off all our energy, taking all that we have that we can't help but fall. someone who might be worthy of it all.