An Open Letter (21-01.2010)

I cannot comprehend
This thing that we can’t mend
Too many things left unsaid
Sweet stuff, nonexistent

Conversation went on and on
About you and me and slideshows
And birthdays and phone calls, nothing’s sure
Except the fact that I told you

I cannot comprehend
This thing that we can’t bend
Too many people to get hurt
I, for one, am broken and stressed

You said “let’s be honest”
“For once,” you even added
And I thought you’d live up
To the expectations we’ve set

But then you just stuttered
Babbled and rambled on 
Issues we’ve dusted
A long time ago and decided
They were over and pretended
To make it all sound okay
When we know full well 
It will never be the same again

How can it be when you’ve lied to me
And then that night you didn’t even say sorry
You said you care but you lie and you dare
And you hurt me big time
And you asked me questions I didn’t like
And then you think I can take in
Everything you’ve done… Unreal…

In the end, I’m not gonna say
I cannot be put to blame
Because I know at some point
I had shortcomings
I had some misgivings
Especially the part 
When I loved you too much
And I wasn’t so sure
If you are man enough
And I just let it all go
And I didn’t tell you so
But then I thought you should have known
After all we were together so long

I don’t really know now
How it will be
If you and I will still meet
I had so many plans
I painted too many pictures
Happy ones 
But then this happened 
And they’re all gone

My doctor told me to wear glasses all the time
I think she’s right, I thought my eyes are not all that bad
And then I realize we sometimes think all is fine
Without glasses they seem alright
But then we wear glasses, and we realize
There are still better things for us to see
We are just too busy with what we think should be

I just need us to figure out
What we really want from us
I already told you my side
You tried to say your bit
But then you backed away and tried to hide
Well, I must say I’ve done my part
I told you enough, I showed you enough
It’s either this is it, or you will step up…

At the end of the day 
My stand remains the same
Just be true to yourself
Do what you feel is right
Be happy without sacrificing too much
I can sacrifice you for you
And I now give you permission
To sacrifice me for me and you…

From my Facebook Notes Page

Tungkol sa tunay na pag-ibig (About true love)
by Chloe Nina Ballesteros on Monday, August 30, 2010 at 11:14pm


Isang araw, nakakwentuhan ko sa wall ko ang mga tao tungkol sa tunay na pag-ibig...

Di lahat ng nakikita, totoo at di lahat ng di nakikita, di totoo. Tingnan mo, di mo nakikitang mahal kita, pero totoo 'yun!

Bakit ba minsan sinasabi ng mga tao na mali ang magmahal, e wala namang mali doon, mali lang siguro kung oobligahin mo 'yung taong mahal mo na mahalin ka rin. Ang sarap kaya ng nagmamahal! It's the thing that makes us all human!

'Di naman kailangan na palaging ipagsigawan ang pagmamahal. There's beauty in silence, in a muted love affair. 'Yung kayo lang. Pasasaan ba, kung true love 'yan, eventually, you both will be set free. There's always a way, basta tamang timing lang...

Hindi ba 'yung totoong pagibig ay malaya. Unconditional. The kind that makes us do everything we can for them without asking anything in return. 'Yung mapabuti lang sila, ayos na. 'Yung masaya lang sila, ayos na. May kilala akong ganon, and their love lasted forever... =) My Lola Puring and Lolo Chung. =)

Ang tunay na pag-ibig ay dalisay, malaya, at maganda. Kung dahil kamo sa 'yong nararamdama'y sumasama ang 'yong ugali, magnilay-nilay. 'Di na 'yan matatawag na pag-ibig...

True love is pure, free and beautiful. If what you feel is turning you into a monster, think about it. That can't be love...

--- ganda talaga ng Tagalog

From my Facebook Notes Page

Friday, February 06, 2009


Thank you for everything. I will never forget you nor all those times we spent together. The good times, and the not-so-good ones. I am forever grateful to you for teaching me how to love. I'm sorry if I had been difficult at times. I'm sorry if I tried so hard to figure out what we were and so I ended up bugging you and wasting a lot of potential great times.

HALIK
Aegis

Interestingly, one of my colleagues who's a Nepali is taken by the song Halik and asked a favor to have the song translated in English... I was not so busy at that time so I thought, why not? Turned out that the song is poetic even in the English language...


THE REQUEST
Hi all,

I have a task 4 u all.. n I also this is my humble request to all of u.. can u plz translate Halik song In English. If u got time then, only….

I had attached Original Lyrics which is in Tagalog.

Salamat Sa Iyo..


THE SONG
I hope that you won’t have to go
My world then will be destroyed
But what can I do
If you don’t want this anymore
Who am I to keep you from leaving me alone?

When you go you will leave behind
Traces of our love
This song is a reminder
That I will never forget you
Because you are the only one in my world,
in my heart, in my life

I miss your kiss
I miss your kiss
Why did you have to leave me?

It hurts, oh baby
Every time I see you...
I can’t help but get jealous baby
Whenever I see you with someone else
Because you are the only one in my world,
in my heart, in my life...

I miss your kiss
I miss your kiss
Why did you have to leave me?

I hope that you won’t have to go
My world then will be destroyed
But what can I do
If you don’t want this anymore
Who am I to keep you from leaving me alone?

I miss your kiss
I miss your kiss
Why did you have to leave me?

I miss your kiss
Why did you leave me?

I miss your kiss
Why did you leave me?

Thanks Chloe!! Can u imagine the feeling he/she got.. its so touching. Thts y I like this song so much.. yesterday I only know da body of the song.. bt now by ur help I got da soul too.. thank u again..
Thank you in nepali “DHANYABAD”.. n in Tagalog Salamat sa Iyo.. Tkcr.. bye

comment to my lil sis’ blog
August 25th, 2009 by wingardium
on 26 Aug 2009 at 2:21 am
1
Ate
Be love lessons from ate:

1. Never let him be your boss, your only boss should be yourself.
2. Never put your life on hold just because you’re waiting for him to grow up.
3. A respectable man will always want to be with a woman who will never let anybody, including himself, walk all over her. If he’s being a jerk, put him in his place gracefully.
4. Action speaks better than words. Don’t say you’ve moved on. Show it through actions. If you feel you were disrespected, don’t nag, just walk away.
5. Never lose your rhythm in life be. I mean, never let go of things you’ve always loved in the first place, like friends, hobbies, routines, just so you can accommodate him. If you do this, you’ll create a void in your life and then you will become needy and expect him to fill in the void.
6. Regret is a waste of time, so never start anything that you know from the very beginning is doomed to be a disaster.
7. Give only what is reciprocated. Never give your all if you feel you’re just given very little.
8. Don’t be “too nice” because you’ll be taken for granted.
9. The only person that you should believe in is yourself. You will feel it if you are being treated badly. If you feel so, don’t try to make excuses for him. You just walk away with your head held high.
10. You deserve nothing but the best, so if you are given anything less than the best, don’t settle.

Di to galing sa quotes or texts. Lahat to be based on experience kaya believe me, okay?

love you lil sis!

(2/25/09)

Once and for all

I’ll do what I got to do

Fly to that foreign land

Seize the opportunity

Fulfill that dream of a better life

It’s true, what they say

Not all desires are rational

I’ll do what I got to do

What I want will have to wait

I have, however, come to terms

With Reality, It’s never set

Things happen, people forget

Some love cannot wait

Before Time casts its spell

Once and for all, I’d like to say

Don’t wait, but know that

Forget, I will never

(2/5/09)
And so it happens...

So love evolves. It's good to have finally realized this. At least, finally I'm done feeling stuck in a situation that left me wanting for more. I have finally accepted the fact that sometimes things are just the way they are. I've gone from loving and wanting to be loved in return, to loving and wanting to be exclusively loved, to loving and wanting to be loved the same way I love, and finally to loving without wanting anything in return except for that person to be happy. And this time, I mean it. I am now ready to let go and be happy myself. And I wish nothing for him but to feel that feeling of unconditional love that I felt for him and to receive it from the same person that he'll feel this way for.

I know it's been a long time since I've updated my blog. A lot of things happened from the time I last posted an article. Good things, bad. Heartaches, love. Friendships. Coming and going. But, most importantly, I have come to terms with myself.

So happiness is really not something that you get from someone else. I finally get this. Happiness is a state of being that only you can make happen for yourself. I am determined to find this.

"Tonight I Can Write" -- Pablo Neruda
Isinalin sa Wikang Tagalog ni Chloe Nina L. Ballesteros


Maisusulat Ko Ngayong Gabi


Ngayong gabi'y maisusulat ko, taludtod ng luha't hinagpis

Tulad ng, "Ang gabi'y natatanglawan ng mga bituing nangungulila, nilalamig; Hinahaplos ng hanging malumanay, umaawit."

Ngayong gabi'y maisusulat ko, taludtod ng hapis at lungkot
Wagas ko siyang inibig, may minsang inibig din niya ako

Sa mga gabing tulad nito yakap ko siya't hinahagkan.
Niyayakap, hinahagkan, paulit-ulit...
Sa lilim ng itim na kumot na wari'y walang dulo,
Walang katapusan

Wagas niya akong inibig, may minsang inibig ko rin siya.
Paanong hindi ka matatangay ng alon ng kanyang mga mata.

Ngayong gabi'y maisusulat ko, taludtod ng walang pagsidlang kalungkutan.
Isiping wala siya sa'king piling. Damhin na kailanma'y 'di na magbabalik.

Dingging ang ulilang gabi, na higit pang binalot ng kahungkagan nang siya'y lumisan.
At ang dula ng taludtod ay maglalandas sa kaluluwa tulad ng hamog sa damuhan.

Anong halaga ng limiing hindi siya mapanitili ng aking pag-ibig.
Ang gabi'y puno ng tala't bituin samantalang wala siya sa aking piling.

Wakas. Tangay ng hangin ang himig mula sa malayo. Sa dako palayo.
Bahagi ng aking kaluluwa'y dinuyan ng hangin kasabay ng kanyang paglisan.

Sinubukan siyang hanapin ng aking mga mata tila upang akayin siya palapit.
Kinapa siya ng aking puso at wala siya sa aking piling.

Ang kakahuyan ay nakakanlaong sa bisig ng gabi.
Walang nagbago.
Kami, nang mga panahong iyon ay 'di na tulad ng nakaraan.
Pawang mga estranghero sa isa't isa.

Ang aking pag-ibig ay nagmaliw, iyan ay tiyak, subalit labis ko siyang minahal.
Sinubukang sumpungin ng aking tinig ang hanging dadama sa kanyang pandinig.

Wakas. Siya ay magiging pag-aari ng iba. Tulad noong bago ko siya mahagkan.
Ang kanyang tinig, ang kanyang katawan. Ang kanyang nangungusap na mata.

Ang aking pag-ibig ay nagmaliw, iyan ay tiyak, subalit maaaring mahal ko siya.
Napakadaling magliyab ng pag-ibig, napakatagal humupa ng usok na kaakibat ng limot.

Sapagkat sa mga gabing tulad nito ay yakap ko siya't hinahagkan
Kaluluwa ko'y nangulila mula nang siya'y mawala.

Kahit ito na ang huling sakit at dusang kanyang ipadarama.
At ang mga ito ang huling taludtod na isusulat ko para sa kanya.

Here's the real deal

* Remember when we were in first year high school and you jokingly told Diane Fronda, who had a huge crush on you, that you were already courting me so she would stop bugging you? I actually wished that were true.

* Remember when you told me through friendster, back in 04, that you wished you're the one I loved the way I loved Jay? At the back of my mind I thought, I loved you more in fact but I just kept on brushing off the feeling.

* When we hosted Rubie Andrea's 18th birthday, I was so happy and proud to be doing it with you.

* When you and Hans came over to my house on my birthday in 04 and you guys stayed until 3am and the 2 of us just talked and had this easy connection, I wished for that night not to end.

* I made a big deal out of you coming to my 04 birthday straight from the Palarong Pambansa.

* Remember when I came to see you at your old house because and I was so sad due to family problems and we talked while eating ice candy, i think that was back in 04, and our conversation shifted to how our friends had been making a big deal out of our closeness, and you went like "ano kaya totohanin na lang natin tutal naman yun ang palagi nilang iniisip," and I sad, "nah... that won't work". I actually regret saying that up to this day and I still think, what if...

* I wrote you letters that I didn't have the guts to send you until Sherrie Ann took them away because she thought they were just making me pathetic.

* I actually saved your text messages from 04 to 05 in a notebook which She also took away.

* I continued to write down your text messages until early in 06, then I stopped because I began trying to stop my lunacy over you.

* Sometimes I still itch to write down your messages.

* I saved our Friendster conversations from March to April of 04 in my email.

* I just did above yesterday.

* I worry about you everyday despite the "i-don't-care" facade i put up. One text message from you a day makes me happy because it assures me you're far but still around. ^^

* I always wonder what's the real deal between you and Jen.

* I don't really care when you go out with girls, except when it's Jen. ^^

* Remember when you asked me to come over to your house to show me your new V3x on December 30, 06 and you slept while I was checking out your phone and then all of a sudden I told you I had to leave and you wondered why, and I said I just had to (with a smile)? Well, I had my reasons... I went home so you won't see me burst into tears... I don't know I was so stupid to have believed you all those times when you said you're just friends with jen and you weren't seeing each other anymore. So when I saw pictures of you two in your phone taken on Christmas, I was shattered. I had no right to talk to you about that but it hurt a hell lot so I just left.

* Yeah, my dear friends who've been with me and have loved me long before we became close hated you and I've tried, over a hundred times, to make them like you because I so wanted to be with you and not even them could change that.

* Remember when we fought in 05 (I forgot the reason) and we didn't talk for a week then we had an "agate gathering" and so I had to see you there then later that night you asked me to come with you to the park just across your house and you said we needed to talk? Remember that time? Up to now it boggles me why we had to have that TALK. Everyone teased us because they were probably confused as well. Because WHY would we have to talk in private. Then when we were alone we talked about "us (not)". I wish I had just been honest with you and with myself then. Instead of telling you that I was fine and we could get back to the way we were, I wish I had the courage to just settle things with you once and for all that time. Hell, I shouldn't just have cared and just let things go the way they should. We should have settled things then. Because now, it's even harder to just let you go. I should have done it then. I shouldn't have let you talk me into "maintaining our friendship" despite my friends not liking you because we "are happy together just as things are". I shouldn't have let you made me hope that yeah, everything's gonna be ok. I shouldn't have.

* Remember in Baguio, June 05, I lost my phone and cried my heart out. I partly cried for that but truth is, somewhere in the middle of that, I was already crying for you and not the phone. I was like being stabbed every moment I had to see you and Jen so close and looking wonderful together. Hans and Bernard knew about this and they were beside me all the time to make me feel good. I actually agreed to go to that trip because you insisted and convinced me to go not knowing it will be like hell. I didn't know Jen would come. When I knew, it was already too late to back out but if I 'd known earlier, I wouldn't have gone. I know Andeng would've understood.

* About the "thing-that-must-not-be-named": ** I didn't allow it to happen just because of the "spur of the moment"; ** I acted nonchalant about it, but truth is, it's a big deal for me I just tried to deal with in in an "i'm-a-modern-woman" way, although I know I failed; ** every time it happens, I wonder what you're thinking; I can't imagine myself doing it with anyone else

* I'm happy you tell me a lot of things about you than most people know but sometimes it really kills me when you talk about your women. I laugh, yeah, but truth is it hurts inside.

* It boggles me why you don't tell me the real deal when you go out. I mean, I won't hold you back so why lie? Truth is, I learn about the DATES anyway. ^^

* I will give my left arm to know the REAL reason why you went out with me at the start of this "friendship". You know, the Padi's Point days, the old movie marathon days, the "i miss you" messages. What's the real deal about all that?

* I didn't really expect you to take me to MV Dulos. Was it really just your way to apologize? Actually, I wonder about that a lot especially after Hans told me that you'd been thinking of moving away from me but "I am the one who won't let it happen".

*About that: could you please tell me when you actually felt that I was keeping you from moving away? If only you told me that straight then you would've gotten what you wanted.

* I cried when Hans told me about that.

* Truth is, I want to TALK to you. Really TALK but I'm afraid...

* Truth is I love you so much I keep all these things and more inside of me

Wow, how come I haven't thought of that? Yeah, what if the time comes when he finally finds someone real to spend the rest of his life with? What will happen to me all alone? What am I thinking? I'm not a robot. I will definitely be broken when the time comes.

Kasi naman bakit ba di ako matauhan? Bakit ba pinipilit ko ang isang bagay na imposible namang mangyari? Ang kulit ko! Ang tigas ng ulo ko! 'Pag inuntog ko naman ang ulo ko sa pader ng makailang ulit, wala namang mangyayari bukod sa malamang na brain damage o kaya naman sakit ng ulo. Ayos lang sana kung kasabay ng pananakit ng katawan, matatauhan na ako at titigil na sa katangahang 'to.

Sabi ng mga tao sa paligid ko, ako lang naman ang bobong nagpapahirap sa sarili ko. Pero 'pag pinapakiramdaman ko naman ang sarili ko, nararamdaman ko naman na masaya ako kapag kasama ko s'ya. So, in fairness naman sa Sarili ko, di naman ako masokista. Ginagawa ko lang 'yung ginagawa ko kasi somehow masaya din naman ako dun. 'Yun nga lang, pagkatapos mapapaisip ako. At 'yun na, nagsi-sink in na sa 'kin kung ga'no kamiserable 'tong sitwasyon ko.

Dati, gusto ko sana magkahiwalay na lang kami ng landas. Dati ang naisip kong solusyon para matigil na 'ko ay 'yun nga sanang mag-goodbye na kami sa isa't isa, as in wala nang kahit anong mode of communication. Mahirap naman pala, kasi nga magkaibigan kami. So, 'di din nag-work. Mahirap sirain ang isang pagkakaibigan nang wala naman talagang kongkretong dahilan. Wala naman kaming maaamin na problema talaga. 'Di ko din naman kinayang komprontahin s'ya tungkol sa problemang ako lang naman ang nakakaramdam. Unfair naman na bigla na lang akong mang-iwan. Sa madaling sabi tuloy ang weird naming friendship.

Mas naging komplikado na ngayon. Kasi naman ako, matigas ang ulo, hopeless romantic, dreamer. Ayan tuloy nasasaktan na 'ko ngayon. Akala ko hindi aabot sa ganito. Kasi naman, sino ba'ng niloloko ko? Natural masasaktan talaga ako in the long run. So, pa'no na 'ko ngayon?

Alam ko naman na importante din ako sa kanya kahit paano. Sa ngayon nand'yan lang siya. Pero 'di naman palaging nand'yan lang s'ya. Mawawala din s'ya eventually. At ngayon ko lang 'to naiisip. Pa'no na ko pagdating ng time na 'yun?

I'm so glad you and our friends are always there when I need you guys the most. You don't know how much it means to me to have you beside me when I am on the low. You cheer me up and make me realize my strengths when I feel weak. With you, all challenges seem trivial no matter how big they actually are. I'm so lucky to have you guys. You don't realize it but you keep me going. Thanks for always catching me when I fall and for helping me get back on my feet when I stumble. I love you! ^^

i never dreamed i could love like this
i never imagined i'm capable of such a feeling
i never thought i'd fall for you
you've been with me all along
and i've never looked at you this way before

we've known each other for so long
you've been my friend, my wall
i'm used to your being around me
i'm used to your always being near

love has its way of changing things
i see you differently now
i see you differently now

i see you often
but i miss you so much
i get to embrace you
but still i long for your touch
we have these conversations
to me though, they don't say much
i'm thinking maybe it's time
but then I'm so afraid to try

i don't wanna stay in the dark
i'm so tired of this set up
i can't get close enough
i can't get close enough

(6/7/07)

Stupid, ain't I?

Weird...
I felt so nauseous
nervous
dizzy
a pain in the pit of my tummy
like something wants to come out
through my mouth.
"Your face is ghostly,"
so the bartender said.
"Yeah, I can imagine,"
Was what's in my head.

All this
just because I worried so much
about you.
I was scared.
Thought you're not OK.
When in fact,
you were just out
enjoying yourself.
While I,
I was alone at the bar,
deathly pale,
because you said
you're not coming back.

Why do I waste my time like that?
Why do I make myself look like a dumb-ass?
Why does it have to happen again,
like an old rustic melody
no one likes to hear?

My friends say
it's because I won't let go
of you.
They say it's because I love you.
They say I should be better off without you.
"You see," I tell them
"I try,"
It's just so hard,
it's like I'll die.
Stupid, ain't I?

(6/4/07)

A Song for William

I see you only once in ten years.
The pain of seeing you leave
is the sun dying over the seas.
But I love every single day of it.
I'm grateful, in fact,
because I know, somewhere,
there's You whose love for me will last.

Once every ten years,
I patiently stand waiting,
for that burst of green light
that signals your coming.
To the great sea beyond,
I try to catch a glimpse,
of your arms outstretched,
reaching out to me.

Distance separates us.
The depth of Ocean threatens our romance.
Even Time is between us.
Only Faith stands by our side.

I take comfort with the knowledge,
that no matter what,
my heart belongs to you,
and yours is always with me.

Tomorrow, I will see you again, my love.
And then again an eternity of waiting.
Don't despair, my love.
I won't get tired of hoping,
the way the sun never tires of rising;
the way my heart never stops beating,
only for you.

My forever is that one day,
that moment that's ours,
one day in ten years.

I promise to keep your heart.

Your love,
Elizabeth

(6/4/07)

From Captain Jack Sparrow to Elizabeth

"It wouldn't have worked between us" -- Elizabeth

I don't understand what it is I see in you.
It's hard to comprehend how much I love you.
After all the pain,
it completely eludes me.
What is it in you?
What is it about you?

I should be over you by now.
I should just forget about my vow.
You don't deserve all the love I got.
You're not enough.
You don't measure up.

I should, really, but I couldn't.
I can't make myself forget,
the feelings only you can make me feel --
the warmth of your embrace,
your face.

How can I forget
when only you can make me feel?
Only you can make me feel
such wonderful feelings.
It'll be like dying.
It'll be like dying.

You have brought me nothing but tears.
I want you near me but every time it hurts.
You hurt me every time.

I really should be over you by now.

(5/31/07)

Not yet

You ask my friends for a date,
You joke about girls you like in my face.
When you pull off those stunts, I just laugh,
Of course, so you won't know I feel bad.

When you call me over to hang out with, I go.
When it's my turn to ask you just raise your brow.
How insensitive do you think is that?

Sometimes I wonder if you're for real.
How can someone be so unfeeling?
How can you not know I'm reeling
Whenever you make me feel invisible,
When I'm just right beside you all along.
I feel sick to my stomach,
Whenever I try to just shrug it all off.

I know I have told you before,
And besides, how can you not know?
That to me you're not just a friend,
So why keep up with this trend?

I'm your friend, yes of course,
I told you I can live with that thought.
But still, you can't be coarse,
Isn't it obvious?
I'm still trying to move on.

I still get hurt when you talk
About your conquests and prospects.
It still turns my insides
When you make compliments.

I need time,
I need time.
I can't not love overnight.
Look into my eyes sometimes,
And you should see right through me.

Then you'll know,
I deserve a little consideration,
After all.

(5/17/07)

The girl I want for you

Someone who'll cook your favorite food,
Fix you a cold drink with meals.
Someone who'll massage your foot,
When you get home from drills.

Someone who'll laugh at your corny jokes,
The funny faces you make.
Someone who'll tickle your funny bone,
Will know when you need a break.

Someone who'll listen to how your day went,
Will support you all the way.
Someone who's strong enough to tell you
You did something wrong, but loves you anyway.

Someone who'll climb mountains with you,
Camp with you, and sing with you.
Someone who'll swim oceans with you,
Someone full of energy, and loves nature the same way you do.

Someone who'll see you for the great person you are,
Who will encourage you with your writing ,
Read them, and love them, no matter how bad they are.

Someone who'll appreciate your creativity,
Your kindness and generosity,
Who won't take you for granted,
Won't get tired when you're difficult to handle.

Someone who won't be afraid to talk,
When you need someone to listen to.
Someone who's ready to listen,
When you need someone to talk to.

Someone who'll see and embrace your weakness,
Won't see you as a loser,
Will stand by you to face and fight it down.

Someone who'll take your face on her shoulders,
When you feel stressed and burned out.
Someone who'll treasure you forever,
Love you the way you are.

I want someone perfect for you,
The way you are perfect to me.
I can't be that "someone", I know,
But I'll be happy if one day you'll show up
With someone beside you,
Worthy of it all.

(5/16/07)

Lie or Dare?

Truth or Dare? Do you love him?
No, I don't
How can I? We're good friends...

I looked at you for signs
I searched your face for a chance
Nothing... blank

You didn't seem to care
And so I'm glad I lied

How can I bring myself up to say
That I do love you
Very much, actually?

How can I?

Above all things, above love
We're friends and I treasure that
Although it's hard for me to stay this way
I promise, I won't dare tell
Not for any other reason but because
I love you that much

So, I'll stay by your side
As a friend...
I know that's what you want
So, fine, let's keep it at that

Someone emailed me this article:

***MEANTIME GIRL***


She’s the one you call when you’re bored because she makes you laugh. She’s the one you talk to when you’re feeling down because she’s willing to lend an ear and be a friend. She’s not the one you call when you need a date to your company’s Christmas party, or to go dancing with on a Saturday night. She’s the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find “The One”.

You know, she’s the one who you keep around in the meantime. She’s not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don’t look at her as a “real” woman, either. She’s not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in that light. She’s too laid-back, too easily amused by the same things your male buddies are amused by. She’s too understanding, too comfortable - she doesn’t make you feel nervous or excited the way a “real” woman does.

But she’s cool , and nice, and funny, and attractive enough that when you’re lonely or horny and need intimate female companionship, she’ll do just fine. You don’t have to wine and dine her because she knows the real you already, and you don’t have any facades to keep up, no pretenses to preserve.

You’re not trying to get anything of substance out of her. She’s not easy, but you know that she cares about you and is attracted to you, and that she’ll give you the intimacy you need. And you know you don’t have to explain yourself or the situation, that she’ll be able to cope with the fact that this isn’t the beginning of a relationship or that there’s any possibility that you have any real romantic feelings for her.It won’t bother her that you’ll get up in the morning, put on your pants, say goodbye, and go on a date with the woman you’ve been mooning over for weeks who finally agreed to go out with you. She’ll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to call her and tell her how the date went. She’s just so cool . . . why can’t all women be like that?!

But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don’t because to you, the situation between the two of you isn’t important enough to merit any real thought), you know that it’s really not fair. You know that although she would never say it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you don’t think she’s good enough to spend any real time with.

Sure, it’s mostly her fault, because she doesn’t have to give in to your needs - she could play the hard-to-get bitch like the rest of them do, if she really wanted to. But you and she both know that she probably couldn’t pull it off. Maybe she’s too short, or a little overweight, or has a big birthmark on her forehead, or works at a factory. Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman.

So she remains forever the funny friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman. She doesn’t captivate you with her beauty, or open doors with her smile. Mainly she blends in with the crowd. She’s safe. She doesn’t want to be the center of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the room. But she wants to turn someone’s head. She wants to be special to someone, too.

We all do.

She has feelings. She has a heart. In fact, she probably has a bigger and better heart than any woman you’ve ever known because she’s had a front-row seat to The Mess That Is Your Life, and she likes you anyway.

She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although you’ve given her nothing, absolutely no reason to still be around, she is.

Anyway, yeah. I’m a Meantime Girl. Been one for him. For how long, I can’t remember.

I don’t know the reason, really, and at this point I don’t even care. I just want to let every guy know who’s ever had the good fortune to have a Meantime Girl that we may be a lot of fun, but we cry, too. A lot.

And someday we won’t be around.