An Open Letter (21-01.2010)

I cannot comprehend
This thing that we can’t mend
Too many things left unsaid
Sweet stuff, nonexistent

Conversation went on and on
About you and me and slideshows
And birthdays and phone calls, nothing’s sure
Except the fact that I told you

I cannot comprehend
This thing that we can’t bend
Too many people to get hurt
I, for one, am broken and stressed

You said “let’s be honest”
“For once,” you even added
And I thought you’d live up
To the expectations we’ve set

But then you just stuttered
Babbled and rambled on 
Issues we’ve dusted
A long time ago and decided
They were over and pretended
To make it all sound okay
When we know full well 
It will never be the same again

How can it be when you’ve lied to me
And then that night you didn’t even say sorry
You said you care but you lie and you dare
And you hurt me big time
And you asked me questions I didn’t like
And then you think I can take in
Everything you’ve done… Unreal…

In the end, I’m not gonna say
I cannot be put to blame
Because I know at some point
I had shortcomings
I had some misgivings
Especially the part 
When I loved you too much
And I wasn’t so sure
If you are man enough
And I just let it all go
And I didn’t tell you so
But then I thought you should have known
After all we were together so long

I don’t really know now
How it will be
If you and I will still meet
I had so many plans
I painted too many pictures
Happy ones 
But then this happened 
And they’re all gone

My doctor told me to wear glasses all the time
I think she’s right, I thought my eyes are not all that bad
And then I realize we sometimes think all is fine
Without glasses they seem alright
But then we wear glasses, and we realize
There are still better things for us to see
We are just too busy with what we think should be

I just need us to figure out
What we really want from us
I already told you my side
You tried to say your bit
But then you backed away and tried to hide
Well, I must say I’ve done my part
I told you enough, I showed you enough
It’s either this is it, or you will step up…

At the end of the day 
My stand remains the same
Just be true to yourself
Do what you feel is right
Be happy without sacrificing too much
I can sacrifice you for you
And I now give you permission
To sacrifice me for me and you…

From my Facebook Notes Page

Tungkol sa tunay na pag-ibig (About true love)
by Chloe Nina Ballesteros on Monday, August 30, 2010 at 11:14pm


Isang araw, nakakwentuhan ko sa wall ko ang mga tao tungkol sa tunay na pag-ibig...

Di lahat ng nakikita, totoo at di lahat ng di nakikita, di totoo. Tingnan mo, di mo nakikitang mahal kita, pero totoo 'yun!

Bakit ba minsan sinasabi ng mga tao na mali ang magmahal, e wala namang mali doon, mali lang siguro kung oobligahin mo 'yung taong mahal mo na mahalin ka rin. Ang sarap kaya ng nagmamahal! It's the thing that makes us all human!

'Di naman kailangan na palaging ipagsigawan ang pagmamahal. There's beauty in silence, in a muted love affair. 'Yung kayo lang. Pasasaan ba, kung true love 'yan, eventually, you both will be set free. There's always a way, basta tamang timing lang...

Hindi ba 'yung totoong pagibig ay malaya. Unconditional. The kind that makes us do everything we can for them without asking anything in return. 'Yung mapabuti lang sila, ayos na. 'Yung masaya lang sila, ayos na. May kilala akong ganon, and their love lasted forever... =) My Lola Puring and Lolo Chung. =)

Ang tunay na pag-ibig ay dalisay, malaya, at maganda. Kung dahil kamo sa 'yong nararamdama'y sumasama ang 'yong ugali, magnilay-nilay. 'Di na 'yan matatawag na pag-ibig...

True love is pure, free and beautiful. If what you feel is turning you into a monster, think about it. That can't be love...

--- ganda talaga ng Tagalog

From my Facebook Notes Page

Friday, February 06, 2009


Thank you for everything. I will never forget you nor all those times we spent together. The good times, and the not-so-good ones. I am forever grateful to you for teaching me how to love. I'm sorry if I had been difficult at times. I'm sorry if I tried so hard to figure out what we were and so I ended up bugging you and wasting a lot of potential great times.

(2/5/09)
And so it happens...

So love evolves. It's good to have finally realized this. At least, finally I'm done feeling stuck in a situation that left me wanting for more. I have finally accepted the fact that sometimes things are just the way they are. I've gone from loving and wanting to be loved in return, to loving and wanting to be exclusively loved, to loving and wanting to be loved the same way I love, and finally to loving without wanting anything in return except for that person to be happy. And this time, I mean it. I am now ready to let go and be happy myself. And I wish nothing for him but to feel that feeling of unconditional love that I felt for him and to receive it from the same person that he'll feel this way for.

I know it's been a long time since I've updated my blog. A lot of things happened from the time I last posted an article. Good things, bad. Heartaches, love. Friendships. Coming and going. But, most importantly, I have come to terms with myself.

So happiness is really not something that you get from someone else. I finally get this. Happiness is a state of being that only you can make happen for yourself. I am determined to find this.

The Girl Who Always Stalled

The girl I will tell you about
Is Mariana Mamaya na.
She has to stall and take her time,
When mum asks her to clean her grime.
She loves to play and chitty chat,
Won’t brush her teeth or take a bath.

“Mariana, come!” her mum would shout.
Bad Girl just turns her back around.
“Mariana, fix your bed right now.”
“Later mum! I’m busy (frown)!”
This is the daily scene
In the house where Mariana and Mum live in.

And then one day Mariana learned
Her lesson in a hard way.
She got her class card with failing marks,
Worried about how mum would react.
She stayed in the garden for a while,
Waited for Courage to come by.

Looking at her card she thought,
“How will I make this work?”
And then to her surprise and awe
Her marks came to life and talked!
“Hello Mariana,” 75 said.
“I’m sure you are scared to death,”
“You got low grades because, you know,”
“You didn’t study after all.”

Mariana got confused and scared,
So she screamed and then she fled.
On to the house she went,
Locked the door and climbed the stairs.
She then thought she needed a bath,
But then too bad the faucet cried!
“There is no water for you, I’m sorry,”
“Isn’t it that taking baths make you feel itchy?”
“Why are you in such a hurry,”
“To get rid of the grime on your body?”

“Ahhhh!” Mariana cried.
She couldn’t understand her plight.
She ran to the kitchen and got some soup.
It was all too much she needed to scoop.
But then as she put the spoon to her mouth,
The spoon wiggled and tugged with all it’s might.
“No! No! No food for you!”
“You have always ignored me, no food for you!”

Shocked and bafffled Mariana ran,
In her bedroom she ended up all wan.
“This is all impossible!”
“Spoons don’t talk and numbers don’t walk!”
She then thought it’s just a dream,
And to her bed she tried to un-dream.
Her bed then laughed outloud and jumped up,
And said, “No, Mariana! Enjoy the fun!”
“Why sleep when you have always wanted to play?”
“Isn’t it that you hate to sleep so early in the day?”

As if by magic, the faucet and the spoon,
Together with the numbers, were now in the room!
They were all laughing and jeering and sneering,
Poor Mariana couldn’t hide, couldn’t scream.
They were all around her now pushing and pulling,
She tried to fight them but her arms turned to pudding.

It was when she felt really scared and perplexed,
That a nut hit her head and thought she was going berserk.
So she looked up and everything then disappeared!
Poof! She was back in the garden under a tree...

Whew!it was just a curious dream!
But Mariana knew better now about things.
She would tell mum that she failed and learn from her mistakes.
And would promise not to stall ever again!
She’d promise to study and get homework ready,
Before she’d watch TV or play with her Barbie.
She’d promise to brush her teeth and shower,
After a bag of jelly beans and a game of Chinese garter.

What Mariana didn’t know,
Is that the numbers smiled and winked,
“The curious dream worked!
The girl who loved to stall, won’t be a brat anymore!”

Toto

What could he be thinking now...
Swordfights, princesses, pirates, flying bikes,
He is here with us but his eyes are blank,
Maybe he is thinking of big fish tanks.

He’s neither happy nor sad,
I wonder if he is in Fairyland,
I envy him so much sometimes,
He gets to travel and have so much fun.

I like sitting with him all day,
I like the silence, I like the game.
Elves, pixies, castles, and goblins,
Magic, mystery, witchcraft, bravery.

There are times, like now, you see,
When he turns and looks at me.
He would smile and hold my hand,
As if he’s saying he’s glad that I’m around.

Mama

Mama loves me very much!
She always prepares my lunch,
My dress is always clean and white,
Because mama makes sure of that.

Mama loves me very much!
She strokes my hair and gives me baths.
I love the way she sings to me,
The lullaby that is heavenly.

Mama loves me very much!
Her hugs and kisses dry my eyes.
When she cooks I always watch,
I learn from her and get a prize.

I love my mama very much.
I hope she really loves me back.
Because every time I wake up --
My mama disappears with the night.